Octogenarian Valentine

Darling, je vous aime beaucoup,
Je ne sais pas what to do,
Please say you’ll be my Valentine.
I’ll be yours if you’ll be mine,
I’ll help you pass the idle hours,
Not sweets, not words, not even flowers
But only this — stool softener,
To help pass time and other things —  and oftener.

(First two lines by Anna Sosenko)